Finding Some Zen.

January 29, 2016

I just finished baking some (delicious) cookies while enjoying some (boxed) wine (I know) and listening to my current favorite Pandora station (Milky Chance radio).  Baby was in bed the whole time (and actually was put to bed by her dad, meaning I was without baby for a solid chunk of time).  I don’t know why I’m way overusing parentheses tonight. Anyways, my point is that this hour or two of my evening was AMAZING. It was relaxing and I felt like a different person- well, an old person… well, not an old person (although that is ironically accurate as well), just an old version of myself.  I felt more like who I was before I had a baby.  It was weird and great- I’m having a hard time articulating exactly what it was like.  I have recently had (approximately two other) moments where I felt this stark reminder of who I was before.  It is kind of a weird deja-vu thing.  I think it is partly, or mainly, because I have not spent a large chunk of time away from baby so any small amount of time away from her is a “hey I’m just over here doing my thing– OH YEAH WAIT I HAVE A BABY.” It’s bizarre, like I forgot for a second. Anyone else ever felt like that?  Back to my point, I think when you find something that makes you feel “yourself” that its an important thing to remember and come back to.  I feel especially “zen” baking or cooking with some wine and chill tunes.  I LOVE that. And I need to remember that’s something I can do (if/when I make time for it) when people talk about “taking care of yourself.” And just to be clear, I think that taking care of yourself as a new mom can mean a lot of things- it might not even mean that you are away from your baby.  I think it just means doing something that feeds your soul and makes you feel good.  I was so exhausted today and probably could have gone to bed at 8 pm when baby did, but taking a little time for myself felt rejuvenating and here I am typing away 2 hours later.  I guess what this really is about is I am realizing that (although I wouldn’t trade anything for what my life is now) balance is important and something I need to keep working on finding!

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