Mom Life

{Originally this was written on October 9. 2015. I don’t know why I never posted it. I’m reading it now and loving it so decided to finally share.}

It’s been a day today- not enough sleep, growth spurting hot mess little miss, more spit ups and messy diapers than I can count on one hand, numerous outfit changes, etc etc- and yet, I wouldn’t trade this for anything.

Today in my moms group we talked about a lot of the emotional changes and concerns that come with pregnancy, giving birth and motherhood. What a big and bulky topic! Everyone has such a different experience and can be caught off guard by something or another not going as planned. Life as you knew it has changed in a split second and it will never be the same again. And while that is awesome and amazing, it also is shocking and brings on a range of emotions. Just to express this range I started listing thoughts I’ve been having. Here’s a few:

  • The first couple weeks home from the hospital are so tough. They just are.
  • I cried a couple times. Sometimes in the shower. Sometimes to my husband. And sometimes right face to face with my baby. I think that freaked her out. I couldn’t help it. Hormones are bananas right after giving birth and it takes a couple weeks (or longer!) for things to level out a little!
  • I am overwhelmingly in love with our little bundle. I feel really connected to her like she is an actual part of me. I feel like this more about my husband too now, that he’s actually part of me. I feel so attached to my little one that I really don’t have any desire to leave her- the longest I have been away from her is a little over two hours. I keep telling myself I probably “should” want to go do my own thing or do something for myself but “should” is kind of a nasty way of thinking and I need to stop putting that pressure on myself- I am allowed to feel however I want to feel and if I  don’t want to leave my baby yet I don’t have to.
  • I don’t feel depressed. And that’s ok.  I don’t need to stop feeling happy because other people are feeling depressed. I need to let myself feel happy if I’m happy and excited if I’m excited. I spent a lot of my pregnancy worried about showing my happiness because I knew several people who were going through a lot of heartache around pregnancy in their own lives. I pray for them and wish nothing but happiness and blessings for all my friends but I wasn’t being fair to myself by smothering my excitement because of their distress. This is something I need to work on.
  • This is my first time being a mom. I took the classes and tried to prepare but really am figuring this out as I go. Because I’m breastfeeding and ask a question about breastfeeding and assumed that other person breastfed- im sorry. Im sorry for assuming, it doesn’t mean I’m judging you as a parent- I truly think that what I’m doing is what I know is best for my family and vice versa for you. If I made an assumption while trying to find my way through this parenting thing, please accept my sincere apology. I want to be sensitive to the fact that everyone does what works for them, but am feeling like I’m becoming so hypersensitive to it that I can’t say anything or ask a question without then feeling guilty that I’ve offended someone. And feeing guilty about so much of what I say and do all the time is really exhausting.

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