Can you EVEN?

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I don’t know how to spell the noise that I just made, so there’s that.  I was looking through these photos from our newborn photo shoot with the amazing Kristin Harris Photography and just couldn’t keep my shit together! First of all, how was this almost SIX months ago!?! SIX. I mean, what? SLOW. DOWN. TIME. UGH. Secondly, look at how small she was! She fits all snuggled up on that ottoman like it’s her job. I am terrified (slash will be attempting this first thing tomorrow morning despite the danger it presents) to see how much this small child does NOT fit on this ottoman in this fashion at all anymore. It makes me a million x10 times more thankful that we did this newborn photo shoot to capture her sweet new sweetness way back when she was itty bitty. Today I tried on a 9 month outfit that she got for Christmas, while chuckling to myself, thinking “oh gosh there’s NO WAY this will fit it will be SO big” and then the pants were TIGHT. Like, I thought they would be loose, like casual sweatpants, and they were tight like sweatpants on someone that should have bought a couple sizes larger, like thick leggings? I don’t know, they just fit much more snugly than I pictured. What. WHAT. I can’t handle how quickly she is growing and I CANNOT get enough snuggles and I just want time to slow down.

This brings me to my next obsessively thought about topic today. Which is funny, after reading my post from October, about feeling guilty about leaving my baby. Because my stress of the day has to do with the exactly that: leaving my baby (in terms of getting a babysitter, not like leaving her in a basket on someone’s doorstep, don’t be crazy, geesh). This is what I have decided today: Moms know what is best for their family and their child(ren) and they should do what is right for their family WHEN it is right for their family.  If I don’t feel ready to leave my baby with a random stranger for an evening, then I don’t have to. If I know it is setting my baby up for a hellish night (also making this a hellish night for whoever is watching her) by leaving her with a babysitter (even if that is her grandparent- although that is slightly different, in my case at least, because baby’s grandparents on both sides are really awesome) and I don’t want to do it, then that is OK. I think that when WE (me AND baby) are ready, I will know. Just like I knew when we were ready for her to move to her crib in her room from the pack n play in our room.  I don’t know why moms feel pressure to do things they aren’t ready for- and when I say this I mean it. MOM GUILT IS REAL, PEOPLE. And it needs to stop, like yesterday. It’s annoying and obnoxious and not productive at all.  The biggest thing I’ve learned in the ripe six months of being a mom (okay really it’s more like 15 months if you count growing a baby as being in mom category) is: do you. I’ll do me. You might be doing things totally different than me- and if I inquire, it’s because I’m curious- maybe what you are doing could help me- I’m NOT judging- so if I ask a question please don’t be offended I’m probably just trying to learn something OR maybe even trying to make a new mom friend with an awkward attempt at conversation… haha, but true.  I think it’s awesome that you are doing what is right for your family, and (as much as my mom guilt tries to get me to think otherwise…) I’m (going to work on) feeling awesome about doing what I think is right for my family.  My advice to myself is to: trust my gut; and try not to let pressure from other people influence the decisions I make involving my family. When the time is right I will know, and until then, mom on.

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