Life’s unexpected twists. 

Well it’s been a while! But I suddenly came upon some extra time on my hands so thought doing a little writing might be a good, therapeutic use of that time. One week ago I slipped and fell on a play date with my little one and broke my ankle! So 4 days ago I had a cast put on and found out I cannot put weight on it for at least 4 weeks. To add to that fun, I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with a 17 month old running around at home. Talk about complicated. And a bummer! 


Christmas is just about a week away and we were supposed to fly to Minnesota in a few days to spend the holiday with my family. We thought it might be the last time we’d go back for the holiday for a while with the impending arrival of our new baby boy and the craziness that comes with a growing family. Now it looks like we will probably not be able to go. The disappointment surrounding that hasn’t even hit me. I’ve been trying to take one day at a time so as not to get too depressed about my inability to do anything around the house- primarily take care of my daughter, which is my full time job! It is SO hard to do nothing when you are used to doing everything. 

My inlaws were able to come up for this week and help out which has been such a blessing. And I have another family member coming to help for two days next week and then the husband will be home because of the time he took off for our trip. So at least we’ve got support figured out for the next week. There is no possible way I could do it myself (which right there is extremely difficult to admit because I always try to be superwoman doing it all). 

As I try to find the silver lining in all of this, I am reminded that my injury could have been worse and that this is only temporary. Also that we are lucky that baby boy is still in my tummy growing and healthy, and this would be even more challenging if he was already born! And lastly, sometimes it is good to be forced to slow down and take life day by day, and to notice the many loved ones who will go out of their way to help out a friend in need. There ARE good people in the world, and many of them are right in my small section of the world. And for that, I feel ever so blessed. 

May You Live a Life You Love

Is it ironic that today I received my last paycheck from my school district and it is also the first day of school? I am taking a year leave to stay home with my sweet little one which is truly a blessing and something I have always wanted. I am so very thankful to my hardworking husband for making this work for our family.  I know there are countless benefits to me staying home with her instead of sending her to daycare and it is something  I will never regret in the long run.  However, last week a wave of sadness hit me that I wasn’t going to be starting the school year. And today I can actually “feel” those first day jitters and excitement. I can almost smell that back to school smell! It’s so weird! My school was a second home for 9 years. The community that existed there was really like a family.  (And I shouldn’t talk about it in past tense as I really hope to continue to maintain the relationships with many of the people I’ve worked with. But obviously it won’t be the same.) The whole happy-sad feeling is just a weird one.  A good friend sent me a sweet card at the end of last school year, encouraging me in this big life change and also acknowledging that it was going to be hard.  The card said “May You Live a Life You Love” on the front and her words still stick with me.  I think the part about acknowledging that this was going to be a big change and it was ok if it felt hard or sad was the biggest for me.  I know I should feel thankful and happy about this choice, and I do, for sure! But its ok if I feel other feels too.

Finding Some Zen.

January 29, 2016

I just finished baking some (delicious) cookies while enjoying some (boxed) wine (I know) and listening to my current favorite Pandora station (Milky Chance radio).  Baby was in bed the whole time (and actually was put to bed by her dad, meaning I was without baby for a solid chunk of time).  I don’t know why I’m way overusing parentheses tonight. Anyways, my point is that this hour or two of my evening was AMAZING. It was relaxing and I felt like a different person- well, an old person… well, not an old person (although that is ironically accurate as well), just an old version of myself.  I felt more like who I was before I had a baby.  It was weird and great- I’m having a hard time articulating exactly what it was like.  I have recently had (approximately two other) moments where I felt this stark reminder of who I was before.  It is kind of a weird deja-vu thing.  I think it is partly, or mainly, because I have not spent a large chunk of time away from baby so any small amount of time away from her is a “hey I’m just over here doing my thing– OH YEAH WAIT I HAVE A BABY.” It’s bizarre, like I forgot for a second. Anyone else ever felt like that?  Back to my point, I think when you find something that makes you feel “yourself” that its an important thing to remember and come back to.  I feel especially “zen” baking or cooking with some wine and chill tunes.  I LOVE that. And I need to remember that’s something I can do (if/when I make time for it) when people talk about “taking care of yourself.” And just to be clear, I think that taking care of yourself as a new mom can mean a lot of things- it might not even mean that you are away from your baby.  I think it just means doing something that feeds your soul and makes you feel good.  I was so exhausted today and probably could have gone to bed at 8 pm when baby did, but taking a little time for myself felt rejuvenating and here I am typing away 2 hours later.  I guess what this really is about is I am realizing that (although I wouldn’t trade anything for what my life is now) balance is important and something I need to keep working on finding!

Can you EVEN?

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I don’t know how to spell the noise that I just made, so there’s that.  I was looking through these photos from our newborn photo shoot with the amazing Kristin Harris Photography and just couldn’t keep my shit together! First of all, how was this almost SIX months ago!?! SIX. I mean, what? SLOW. DOWN. TIME. UGH. Secondly, look at how small she was! She fits all snuggled up on that ottoman like it’s her job. I am terrified (slash will be attempting this first thing tomorrow morning despite the danger it presents) to see how much this small child does NOT fit on this ottoman in this fashion at all anymore. It makes me a million x10 times more thankful that we did this newborn photo shoot to capture her sweet new sweetness way back when she was itty bitty. Today I tried on a 9 month outfit that she got for Christmas, while chuckling to myself, thinking “oh gosh there’s NO WAY this will fit it will be SO big” and then the pants were TIGHT. Like, I thought they would be loose, like casual sweatpants, and they were tight like sweatpants on someone that should have bought a couple sizes larger, like thick leggings? I don’t know, they just fit much more snugly than I pictured. What. WHAT. I can’t handle how quickly she is growing and I CANNOT get enough snuggles and I just want time to slow down.

This brings me to my next obsessively thought about topic today. Which is funny, after reading my post from October, about feeling guilty about leaving my baby. Because my stress of the day has to do with the exactly that: leaving my baby (in terms of getting a babysitter, not like leaving her in a basket on someone’s doorstep, don’t be crazy, geesh). This is what I have decided today: Moms know what is best for their family and their child(ren) and they should do what is right for their family WHEN it is right for their family.  If I don’t feel ready to leave my baby with a random stranger for an evening, then I don’t have to. If I know it is setting my baby up for a hellish night (also making this a hellish night for whoever is watching her) by leaving her with a babysitter (even if that is her grandparent- although that is slightly different, in my case at least, because baby’s grandparents on both sides are really awesome) and I don’t want to do it, then that is OK. I think that when WE (me AND baby) are ready, I will know. Just like I knew when we were ready for her to move to her crib in her room from the pack n play in our room.  I don’t know why moms feel pressure to do things they aren’t ready for- and when I say this I mean it. MOM GUILT IS REAL, PEOPLE. And it needs to stop, like yesterday. It’s annoying and obnoxious and not productive at all.  The biggest thing I’ve learned in the ripe six months of being a mom (okay really it’s more like 15 months if you count growing a baby as being in mom category) is: do you. I’ll do me. You might be doing things totally different than me- and if I inquire, it’s because I’m curious- maybe what you are doing could help me- I’m NOT judging- so if I ask a question please don’t be offended I’m probably just trying to learn something OR maybe even trying to make a new mom friend with an awkward attempt at conversation… haha, but true.  I think it’s awesome that you are doing what is right for your family, and (as much as my mom guilt tries to get me to think otherwise…) I’m (going to work on) feeling awesome about doing what I think is right for my family.  My advice to myself is to: trust my gut; and try not to let pressure from other people influence the decisions I make involving my family. When the time is right I will know, and until then, mom on.

Mom Life

{Originally this was written on October 9. 2015. I don’t know why I never posted it. I’m reading it now and loving it so decided to finally share.}

It’s been a day today- not enough sleep, growth spurting hot mess little miss, more spit ups and messy diapers than I can count on one hand, numerous outfit changes, etc etc- and yet, I wouldn’t trade this for anything.


Today in my moms group we talked about a lot of the emotional changes and concerns that come with pregnancy, giving birth and motherhood. What a big and bulky topic! Everyone has such a different experience and can be caught off guard by something or another not going as planned. Life as you knew it has changed in a split second and it will never be the same again. And while that is awesome and amazing, it also is shocking and brings on a range of emotions. Just to express this range I started listing thoughts I’ve been having. Here’s a few:

  • The first couple weeks home from the hospital are so tough. They just are.
  • I cried a couple times. Sometimes in the shower. Sometimes to my husband. And sometimes right face to face with my baby. I think that freaked her out. I couldn’t help it. Hormones are bananas right after giving birth and it takes a couple weeks (or longer!) for things to level out a little!
  • I am overwhelmingly in love with our little bundle. I feel really connected to her like she is an actual part of me. I feel like this more about my husband too now, that he’s actually part of me. I feel so attached to my little one that I really don’t have any desire to leave her- the longest I have been away from her is a little over two hours. I keep telling myself I probably “should” want to go do my own thing or do something for myself but “should” is kind of a nasty way of thinking and I need to stop putting that pressure on myself- I am allowed to feel however I want to feel and if I  don’t want to leave my baby yet I don’t have to.
  • I don’t feel depressed. And that’s ok.  I don’t need to stop feeling happy because other people are feeling depressed. I need to let myself feel happy if I’m happy and excited if I’m excited. I spent a lot of my pregnancy worried about showing my happiness because I knew several people who were going through a lot of heartache around pregnancy in their own lives. I pray for them and wish nothing but happiness and blessings for all my friends but I wasn’t being fair to myself by smothering my excitement because of their distress. This is something I need to work on.
  • This is my first time being a mom. I took the classes and tried to prepare but really am figuring this out as I go. Because I’m breastfeeding and ask a question about breastfeeding and assumed that other person breastfed- im sorry. Im sorry for assuming, it doesn’t mean I’m judging you as a parent- I truly think that what I’m doing is what I know is best for my family and vice versa for you. If I made an assumption while trying to find my way through this parenting thing, please accept my sincere apology. I want to be sensitive to the fact that everyone does what works for them, but am feeling like I’m becoming so hypersensitive to it that I can’t say anything or ask a question without then feeling guilty that I’ve offended someone. And feeing guilty about so much of what I say and do all the time is really exhausting.

Newborn Baby Favorites

Little one is just over two months old! It’s crazy how quickly life moves! She is truly a bundle of joy and we are very much in love with her sweetness! I feel pretty blessed because she seems like a really good baby so far and that makes it all just that much more enjoyable!

I was making myself a list of some favorite essential items that have been so helpful in the beginning so I could remember them when it came to getting baby gifts for friends who are expecting in the future and thought I’d share it here too! I was over the moon to receive any “tried and true” items when we were getting ready for baby and thought you might be too! (Actually two of these were gifts from a dear friend who knew I’d need them!) It might seem weird to give someone nipple cream or the best soap for getting out inevitable poopy stains, but know whoever is on the receiving end will appreciate it! Haha!

(Starting top left and going clockwise)

1. Freshly Picked moccasins- Not only are these absolutely adorable but I’ve found them to be the only shoes we have for her tiny feet that actually stay on! (not that she needs shoes obviously- definitely more of a fashion statement than an essential item lol) They were definitely a splurge but I got them when there was a bit of a sale so they weren’t quite as bad. If you follow Freshly Picked on Instagram she will post about any sales and other exciting happenings so you know the good times to buy!

2. Little Remedies saline drops and  the Nose Frida- When little one got her first stuffy nose it was so sad! These two items came in handy to have at home to help clear it out a little bit! The Nose Frida is absolutely revolting (you suck through the tube to get the boogies out- a spongy filter prevents anything from actually going into your mouth) but it works! In the words of my sister who is also a new mommy, “it’s so satisfying!” Haha gross, but whatever works, right?

3. Medela Tender Care lanolin and Motherlove nipple cream (if you breastfeed)- The first few weeks are rough! You have to take care of those poor nips!! The Medela brand is so so nice- it goes on very smoothly which is key when everything is feeling pretty beat up. Love it. The Motherlove brand is organic and also goes on very smooth. I alternated using both. Actually I kept one at one breastfeeding “station” and one at the other. Then you don’t forget to put it on after each time!

4. Silkberry Baby pajamas- These are by far our favorite pajamas! They are SO soft and they are stretchy so they are super easy to get on and off! Also they zipper vs. button! Button pajamas are ridiculous to get on and off to change diapers in the middle of the night! Zipper pjs for the win! This brand is a little spendy but it’s Eco-friendly (the pjs are made of super soft bamboo rayon) and designed by moms in Vancouver, Canada, which is cool!

5. (Not pictured but very important) Fels-Naptha soap- Oh. Em. Gee. I am SO glad my friend bought this for me and introduced it to me! She said it was the best soap for getting out poopy stains on baby clothes and man was she right!! It’s just an old school bar of soap but if you wet down the poopy stain and rub the bar of soap on it real good before you throw it in the laundry you will never even know there was anything there! And seriously, the times when I debated just throwing away the outfit it was so bad, this soap totally saved the day!!

Well, those are a few of my favorite baby items so far. Of course there’s more but maybe I’ll share them another time! 😊

39 Weeks 2 Days.

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Of course Seattle decides to have consistent 90+ degree weather for important events in my life, like my wedding and my baby’s due date! How convenient! I’ve been taking it easy and trying to stay cool in this crazy end of June/ beginning of July heat wave out here. I am finding it hard to believe that I’m at the end of my first pregnancy! It has gone by crazily fast and slow at the same time.  This last week is definitely tough- lots of anxiety and anticipation as we await little one’s arrival! Everybody keeps asking me if we feel ready and I can honestly say that we are as ready as we can be. Hospital bags are packed, we are registered at the hospital, we finished our childbirth prep classes, baby’s room is looking good, baby clothes are washed… etc. etc.  Aside from the crazy feeling that these are the last few moments we have to enjoy as a family of two, we are definitely excited for our family to grow and for this sweet girl to arrive. Fingers crossed that Little Miss decides to make her debut here in the next couple days (maybe just avoiding our 1 year wedding anniversary on Saturday?!). Come on, little one, we can’t wait to see you and snuggle you! Until then, you can likely find me in the baby room, smelling her freshly washed teeny tiny baby clothes…. 🙂 xoxo